Breaking Discovery in April: A Lost Letter of Paul Unearthed!
In what scholars are calling the most significant biblical find of the century, a previously unknown letter attributed to the Apostle Paul has been discovered in the archives of an ancient monastery in Blackpool. Hidden beneath centuries-old manuscripts and misfiled between two commentaries on Leviticus, this letter appears to be an authentic Pauline epistle—one that was inexplicably omitted from the New Testament canon.
Tentatively titled "The Epistle to the Britons," this letter offers profound theological insights and historical revelations about Paul’s efforts to bring the Gospel to the outer reaches of the known world.
A Letter Unlike Any Other
The letter follows Paul’s characteristic style—his customary greeting, theological exhortations, and urgent pastoral concerns. However, as translators began to work through the text, they noticed something peculiar: the usual warmth and encouragement found in Paul’s writings were soon overtaken by a tone of mild frustration.
Key Passages from the Epistle to the Britons
On British Hospitality:
"I desired to come unto thee, yea, even unto thine own dwelling places, that I might sup with thee and break bread together. But verily, when I arrived, thou didst say, ‘Let us first put the kettle on.’ And lo, the kettle was put on, but tea was not yet made, for we continued in much dithering. Thus I waited, and the tea was made, yet still, no business was discussed. And I tarried yet a little while longer, until finally, I spake, ‘Shall we now begin?’ But thou didst say, ‘Aye, in a moment, just let us finish our biscuits first.’"On British Indirectness:
"I urged thee to let thy yes be yes, and thy no be no. Yet when I did ask, ‘Shall we go forth and preach the Gospel?’ ye did reply, ‘Hmm, well, that could be good, yeah, maybe, we’ll have to see, won’t we?’"On Weather Concerns:
"Many times did I say, ‘Come, let us go out into the streets and proclaim the Good News.’ But ye didst reply, ‘Ah, but it looks like rain.’ And behold, when the rain ceased, ye still didst say, ‘It doth look like it might start again any moment.’"On Church Meetings:
"I beseech thee, brethren, let all things be done decently and in order. Yet in thy gatherings, first there is coffee, then a reading of the minutes, then many reports of various committees, and after all these things, thou dost ask, ‘Shall we discuss what we came for?’ But lo, the time is spent, and we depart in peace, resolving to ‘revisit the matter at the next meeting.’"On Evangelism:
"I declared unto thee the Gospel of Christ, that He died for our sins and was raised on the third day. And thou didst respond, ‘Ah, lovely. Very nice. Good for you.’"
At first, textual critics debated whether this epistle was truly of Pauline origin. However, its tone of exasperation, combined with meticulous structure, makes it consistent with Paul’s later writings. Additionally, early church fathers appear to reference this letter—Tertullian once wrote, "Paul went to Britannia, but they did not make it easy for him."
Still, some scholars remain skeptical, arguing that Paul would never have written an entire chapter lamenting the lack of enthusiasm during an altar call.
As the implications of this discovery ripple through theological circles, one thing is certain—Paul's patience was tested like never before. Future research will determine whether this letter should be added to the biblical canon, though some argue that James and Hebrews already struggle to get the attention they deserve.
For now, the question remains: how would history have changed if the Britons had simply responded, “Alright then, let’s do it”?
Oh, and one more thing... happy 1st April